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Voldemort!

28 Aug

"Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."
~Dumbledore

I have my own personal Voldemort – not quite in the sense of the character, but in the sense of having a monster I’ve been afraid to name for too long. This past couple of weeks, I’ve finally given it a name. Before the test results came through, it was ‘The Big C’ – talk about a name to inspire fear! I now just call it cancer. See? It even loses its capitalisation!

fear wolfVoldemort… or wolf… or whatever form the worst fear takes.
(The artist is unknown to me, so if anyone knows who to credit,
feel free to let me know)

Back in Brazil, I discovered a lump in my breast. I duly went to the doctor and was told it was just a fatty deposit. Switch to ‘ignore’. I’m good at that… ignoring something I don’t want to deal with. We then left on an adventure across the oceans with England being the destination, so we could be closer to Tat. A couple of months ago, the ‘fatty deposit’ changed and very soon became something that was most definitely not just a fatty deposit, so back to the doctor I went.

To give the doctor some credit, I’d hate to ever play poker against her. She gave nothing away, but booked me for further testing ‘just to be sure’. I went for the obligatory mamo. Then ultra scans. Then the biopsy. The mamo is awful. The ultra scan, messy. The biopsy… combine raw fear of the disease with fear of the ‘gun’ that punctures the hole with discomfort and the pain when they take a sample beyond the lump to check for spread. There were two of those… one for the lump itself and another for my lymph glands.

A few days later, I had my appointment to review the results, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC). People suddenly start talking quieter in serious tones. I lost it with the surgeon who broke the news when I told him I’m pro-active and asked him what I could do/eat/drink to promote healing before the surgery. “Oh, just eat healthy and do a bit of exercise,” was his response. No foods or chemicals to avoid – and we all know there are many carcinogenic foods and chemicals out there. He had absolutely no advice at all, not a shred of wisdom to share. Let’s just cut it off and pump you full of harmful chemicals and radioactivity and be done with it. At that point, my anger kicked in. I’ll nail this damn thing, yes, I will!

So, from the point of view of the specialists, the programme is as follows: Next Thursday, I go for a bone scan and a CAT scan to see if there’s cancer anywhere else in my body. On the 15th of September, I’m booked in for a mastectomy. It’s still up for debate as to whether or not they want me to do chemo before or after the surgery. A lot depends on the results of next week’s tests.

I am, however, not the average patient ;) I came home and, after the first tears, rants and blind hysteria, I sprang into action. I’m not without resources. I will do everything in my power to avoid ‘modern medicine’s solutions the cancer. I am pro-active and have started an intense treatment programme of my own. Perhaps I’ll write about that in another blog. Perhaps not. I know that there are those that will try to shoot me down in flames for what I’m doing, but I’m Not going to take this lying down and I will Not have treatments forced on me that will, I believe, do more harm than good. I do, however, intend to be around for many more years, so, trust me, I won’t be stupid about this. I am, in the end, a realist, and will do whatever it takes to heal.

So there’s my Voldemort…. a pitiful beast in the end and one I can fight. I know there will be scary moments and downright frightening encounters, but I have around me so much love and support that there’s no way I can lose!

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16 Comments

Posted by on August 28, 2014 in cancer, health

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

16 responses to “Voldemort!

  1. somewonderland

    August 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Can’t offer any words of wisdom or anything of this sort, yet I often read stories on how person’s attitude is a huge deal in battling one’s voldermorts. And you’ve got loads of energy, vitality, joy in you, and if that counts to anything, all will be fine. My very best wishes to you Tint

     
    • tintalasia

      August 28, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      All will indeed be fine, Asta! Thank you so much for your confidence in me and your support. It means a lot to me!

       
  2. Jizzy Green

    August 31, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Some look back on a journey of discovery – I hope you find it becomes the time to look back to see the biggest personal growth period in your life. I have read HEAPS about juice fasting – 40 days – Cabala juice to totally remove cancerous growths – too long to write about here. But if you are interested, we should find a way to chat…….

     
    • tintalasia

      September 5, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Gizelle, to me, it’s already a journey of growth, one that started before my diagnosis. It’s become part of my personal pilgrimage (yes, I know that sounds melodramatic, but that’s me!). I’m only juice fasting on weekends. I need the food energy during the week, as my job is very physical and the one day I took my fast to a week day, I was a wreck! I did a quick search on Cabala juicing… it’s much the same juice as I’m using now, just not with a total juice fast. I plan to blog the diet I’m on. I’m tackling this thing from all sides :) I’d so love to chat! I’m on every form of social media and messenger there is, so choose your ‘poison’. Which chat form do you usually use?

       
      • Jizzy Green

        September 7, 2014 at 8:02 am

        Uh, only social media I use is FB, not too cyber savvy! But sounds like you are on the right track anyway! Awesome, well done for your courage!

         
      • tintalasia

        September 14, 2014 at 11:11 am

        You’re savvy in all the right things, my friend :) We’ll still chat sometime. If I see you ‘live’ on Fb, I’ll say hello.

         
  3. Tatiana

    September 1, 2014 at 1:36 am

    I’m so proud of how positive and proactive you’re being, and how well you’re handling this. I love you so much and I’m with you every step of the way. *Big bear hugs*

     
    • tintalasia

      September 5, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Darling Tat… I couldn’t do this without you. You’re my inspiration <3 Love you!

       
  4. Linda McLean

    September 1, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Hi Tint
    I am sorry for this difficult time you are going through and I do support your way of thinking. We have to be our own advocate and certainly play a roll in the decision making. Perhaps you could find a well trained hypnotist that could convince your body to do what might be necessary to heal its self or at least slow things down until modern medicine can get control. I feel i am wording this poorly. I hope you understand my drift. I know you know self hypnosis so perhaps you could try that to help you get through this time. When I do my meditating in the morning I will put it out there that I want you and your doctors to make the best and wisest decisions . You are a strong and vibrant woman you can get through this. Feel me each morning cheering you on.

     
    • tintalasia

      September 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      Linda, I wish you were up to helping me online. I know we’ve spoken about it before. I may look for someone local, but I know you and trust you :) I have been trying self-hypnosis, but the jury’s out on that one still. I have no idea if I’m doing it right and it doesn’t help that I struggle to stay awake through it. A few minutes in and I’m snoring :) Thank you for your meditation and intentions. I appreciate them so much!

       
      • Linda Mclean

        September 11, 2014 at 11:35 pm

        If you are falling asleep I think that’s a good sign you are doing it right. Make positive statements as you relax . Make sure you say positive stuff for example if you say I won’t get angry that is not a suggestion that will work. Mind does not understand that suggestion. I will try and come up with a better example.

         
      • tintalasia

        September 14, 2014 at 11:14 am

        One of the ‘side effects’ of cancer is the sheer exhaustion. It was one of the factors that alerted me to the fact that something was very wrong, as I usually have loads of energy. I’m sleeping a lot now, but recognise that my body needs that rest to heal. I’m still going to blog my mantras and affirmations, but I have a few that I run through as I’m going to sleep that I’m sure you’ll approve of :)

         
  5. Heather

    September 5, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Just caught up with your devastating news Tint..beyond impressed with your fighting spirit..becasue I expected nothing less!
    May I post this to Muze for our PP friends there?

     
    • tintalasia

      September 5, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      Aw Heather! You know, it was devastating in the beginning, but I no longer view it as such. I firmly believe the cancer has regressed and my body is healing, so the word ‘devastating’ actually comes as a surprise to me. The word ‘cancer’ holds no negative emotional impact for me. I’ll blog more on this as I find the time and energy – I’m still tending to want to sleep a lot. I don’t mind you posting to Muze. Wonder if they even remember me :) Hugs… say hello to the old ‘home’ for me!

       
  6. Debbie Stephens

    September 6, 2014 at 3:32 am

    I just found your post! Been there, done that, have several T-shirts! I didn’t have the mastectomy, I went for the lumpectomy and radiation (Mine was IDC, ER/PR +, and Her2-) That was an option for me since my lymph biopsies were clear. There are several alternative things you can do, but the things I know will help are turmeric, Melatonin and a low carb diet.. We should have a serious talk if you are going to do chemo. All the best to you. We are now Sisters in Pink!

     
    • tintalasia

      September 14, 2014 at 11:10 am

      Debbie, thanks so much for your input! You were one of the first people I thought of when I was diagnosed. Mine had metastised to the lymph gland, so mastectomy was the recommendation. I’m on tuermeric and virtually zero carb and a slew of other stuff that I plan to blog as soon as I’ve got my head together. I’ve decided against chemo (as you’ll see from my next blog). I’ll ace this thing yet! :)

       

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