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Needing therapy for the shopping therapy

I don’t have a picture for this blog. I looked for a picture. Apparently no one else suffers with shopping. How odd. Wait… this one should do…

aaah

 

Now I can do online shopping. I think that is, in all probability, because it’s not here.Otherwise, besides shopping for food (as opposed to starvation), I avoid shopping like the plague. Here’s why….
I had just finished with the first class of the day. This was in town. There wasn’t enough time to go home, but there was too much time to go on to the next student. I have put off buying some necessities for years, so I decided to pull myself up by the bootstraps and just do it. I needed some underwear and socks.
First stop, a shop where I’ve had success before. Should be a breeze. I looked in. Two men manning the cash register and no fitting rooms. Here they think nothing of trying on bras over their clothing in full view of the street. Not for me, thanks, so I turned my attention to the ‘socks’ or foot-stockings. I hate pantihose, so I wear ankle-highs. The "Posso ajudar?" came, as expected. "Yes. I’m looking for the thicker stockings, as I walk a lot and want them to last longer than a day at a time." He took me to the thicker stockings. Great! Then I looked in dismay at the white, black, maroon and dark brown colour range. "Don’t you have beige or something at least remotely my skin tone?" I asked, not expecting much, as this is, after all, Brazil. "Oh but this brown would look lovely!" Uh… yes… I looked down at my pale tan shoes and even paler skin tone *sigh* He spent ten minutes trying to get me to buy the brown. I must point out at this point that the brown was a dark brown… very dark. No thanks.

I kid you not. The first time I went into a lingerie shop in Brazil, they were quite nonplussed that I refused to try on my wares in the front shop. I watched a woman try on a corset over her dress with hysterical laughter building up. It took all my self-control not to gawp at her.
I gave up and went to the next shop, a lingerie shop. This should be fun (not). A friendly girl asked if she could help. I explained the bra sizing I’m used to… the kind where the cups are different to the backstrap, so you can get something that actually fits. Here, if they don’t try to sell you small, medium or large, they sell size 20 through to 54, but with no cup size. The girlie looked confused, then looked at me, pulled out a bra and said, "This should fit you beautifully." I looked dubiously at the offering. I think not, but I decided to prove a point. I went in, poured myself into the synthetic scrap and said, "You’d better look at this." It was patently obvious that it wasn’t even a remote fit. She tried one size up and one size down, then a different make. No go. She called the owner, who grimly (she was a rather grim lady) advised me to try yet another set. Nothing doing. "But this one will fit you!" she demanded. Oh no it wouldn’t. I peered at my squished appendages. She thought it looked just fine. I ended with saying that, believe it or not, I know my body and I know just what would happen if I tried to move in those. The lack of shock absorbers on most buses would leave me embarrassingly compromised.

*Note… this blog was never finished. I’m going through my old blogs and decided to publish it, as it had me chuckling :)

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Posted by on September 2, 2012 in brazil, humour

 

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A sheep thing

sheep

This post was a classic case of ‘following the herd’… a blog post that everyone has passed around at some point in their blogging. I found it amusing. I still do. Need a chuckle? That is, aside from those moments when you nod and think “Yes"!”

* I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
* I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
* There is great need for a sarcasm font.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories.
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
* I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -ever.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* I keep many people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I can look like I know many people.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid " routing option.
* Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a roadhog from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Trousers? Trousers never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
* There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

 
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Posted by on August 26, 2012 in fun, humour

 

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LOL

Yep… LOL "Laugh out Loud"

LOL

Just in case you needed more convincing… this is about laughing – out loud…

lol us
Bad photo, but who cares?
When the World Cup was on the go, I read something about a journalist who landed in South Africa. He said what struck him the most was the laughter he heard at the airport, obviously something he wasn’t accustomed to. South Africans are a peculiar lot, but one thing we do is laugh and usually out loud. I think it’s because we’re usually to be found out of doors, so conversations get spoken loudly across braais (bbq’s) and laughter is something practised at the same volume.

Yes, we are loud, I think, but most of all, we know how to laugh, especially at ourselves and when something is funny, we aren’t shy to let the world know. Yes, yes, our laughter may be quite loud and rumbustious, but that’s us.

Laughter is contagious. I saw a little booklet the other day and one of the notes in it said: "A felicidade é contagiosa: cerque-se de rostos felizes." Happiness is contagious: surround yourself with happy faces.

Sometimes, I forget to laugh. I forget that laughter feels good. A good belly laugh heals so much ill. It occurred to me that we don’t hear much laughter here at all, loud or soft. They smile, they chuckle, and laugh softly. It isn’t that laugh that forces itself up from deep in your belly, stretching your mouth and face, squeezing your eyes shut and letting the tears roll. Ah… to laugh is good!

LOL2
What makes you belly laugh?

 

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Posted by on October 23, 2010 in feel good, humour

 

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Hubby humour

Jurgis thought he’d brighten up my day, so I got this in a text file…

spike milligan
Spike Milligan’s cheeky look here
reminded me so much of my grandfather!

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
Spike Milligan
Ooh! I love this one!

And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan
That must be Britain… it’d be way longer here.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
Spike Milligan
I could apply this to a few singers. Don’t know who the singer is.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
Spike Milligan

I’m not afraid of dying I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Spike Milligan

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
Spike Milligan

It’s all in the mind, you know.
Spike Milligan

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan

Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

 

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Posted by on July 12, 2010 in humour

 

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